Hand
by Carlie
Summary: hmmm my first song fic, i try, ppppuuuuulllllllleeeeeeeeeesssssssseeeeee read and reveiw its about moony and the whole werewolfish business


Hand

**Hand**

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling, My Name Is Remus Lupin belongs to Sarabeth, Erin belongs to Kaydi( Sirius' crush, see my name is Sirius Black for more info, or a walk in the park) and the song Hand belongs to Jars of Clay

A/N:Oh boy. Well first before you read this you need to understand certain things. My friend Sara Beth (another fanfic author, quite good if I do say so my self.) is writing My Name is Remus Lupin (I know the title is a rip-off from My Name is Sirius Black written by Kaydi, who is also quite talented, but she is a good friend of ours and she's quite alright with it). The two chapters that go along with thissong fic are right out of her story, and I have special permission to do this, bc she said I could. She hasn't posted My Name is Remus Lupin yet so when she does, I don't want any of you who read that to think that she has copied off me, it is quite the other way around. By now you are probably confused so Ill just give you a brief overview of her story so you understand this song fic… My Name is Remus Lupin is an autobiography about, duh Remus Lupin. The part I'm using for my song fic is about when Sirius, James and Peter figure out that Remus is a werewolf. Remus, who is a bit suicidal, which you will figure out once Sara Beth posts the story, automatically thinks that now they aren't his friends because they know what he is and tries to kill himself in a "very original" way. Any way then it tells about how they don't care what Remus is, the fact that he's their friend is all that matters. The song tells kind of how Remus feels about the whole thing, about how he's been "shunned" away before bc he was a werewolf and how he thought that when/if James, Sirius, and Peter figured out, they would do the same. Then it tells about how they all become friends and Remus learns that now he actually has "real" friends. It also kinda tells about how Remus slowly comes to trust them, that explains the hand part.Anyway this starts with Remus' (in his point of view of course, right after they did odd things to Snape apparently, and when he says we and us he is referring to the Marauders) first full moon at Hogwarts and leads up from there…

Ps: the song doesn't come in for a bit… here goes poop…

**Chapter 1:Full Moon**

** **

.We did some odd things to Snape, who I think became more afraid of us than anything.Erin and Lily became good friends with us.I felt like I'd known all of them forever, even though it had only been a few weeks.We started to become well known and respected for our pranks.Teachers everywhere feared us.James' invisibility cloak and his innocent smile and Sirius's talented lying abilities were the only thing that kept us out of constant detention.I was having such a good time with all of them, that my problem had almost left my mind completely.Then before I knew it, it was the day of full moon.

We were in Potions Class that morning.Professor Beaker was teaching us how to make a potion to cure boils.Sirius, Peter, James and I were all working at the same table.

"Now, don't forget to remove the cauldron from the fire before adding the porcupine quills," said Professor Beaker.In the mean time, James and Sirius were busy coming up with the most creative way to mix the ingredients.

"Let's see," said Sirius."How about a little of this, hmm…maybe some more of that…oh and definitely a whole lot of this."He was randomly dumping ingredients into the cauldron while James selected new ones to be added.Peter and I, now well aware of the disasters that could be caused when you let the two of them have anything capable of exploding, kept our distance.Either by careful planning, or just good luck, just as Snape was passing by our table, there was a loud bang and acid green smoke began pouring out of the cauldron.

"Aggghhh!Ouch!" he screamed as the liquid burnt his skin."You idiots!"

"All right!" said Sirius."That was the perfect explosion!"

"What is going on here?" Professor Beaker rushed over, raging with anger."You! Go to the hospital wing!" he shouted at Snape."As for you," he pointed to Sirius."You're responsible for this, aren't you?"Sirius stood, his eyes wide.

"It was an accident, Professor," he said.

"Accident!" Professor Beaker bellowed."You call this an accident?Why half of these ingredients aren't even in the recipe!"

"They're not?" James pretended to be astounded.

"I guess you had something to do with this, too?" Professor Beaker asked.

"Something to do with what?" James asked innocently.

"Yeah, what did we do wrong?" asked Sirius.

"That's it!Detention all week!All four of you!" shouted Professor Beaker."Starting tonight!And you'll be working hard, Black.I'll be sure of that!"The bell rang then and we rushed out of class.

"That man is insane!" shouted Sirius angrily."I would have liked to cover him in that potion even more than Snape!"

"It's all right, Sirius," I said."We'll all be in detention together.It can't be that bad."

"Well it's not fair!" said Sirius."He didn't have any evidence that it wasn't an accident."

"Hey, I didn't even do anything!" said Peter."And I got detention too."

"Oh get over it!" Sirius snapped at him.

"Stop fighting, guys," said James."I mean after all, it is worth all this to see Snape get burnt like that, right?"He did have a point.And detention couldn't be that bad.Then I remembered.How was I supposed to go to detention when it was full moon?I'd have to report to detention at the same time I should be leaving.If I didn't show for detention, I'd get in more trouble, and even worse, Sirius, James and Peter would think I abandoned them.What was I supposed to do?

Later that evening, we sat in the common room.Detention started at six-thirty, the same time I should have been leaving.I stared at the clock.6:00.We decided to actually work on our homework.6:10.Our homework was long forgotten and Sirius and James were planning more pranks.6:15.I was too worried about what to do to pay attention to what was going on.6:25.I knew I had to leave, so I got up my courage.

"I'm not feeling so well," I said.

"Really?You all right?"asked James.

"I don't know," I said."I think I'm gonna head down to the hospital wing for a while."

"Trying to get out of detention, huh?" asked Sirius.

"No, honestly," I replied."I really need to go now!"

"Let him go," said James.And when he thought I was out of earshot, he said, "We don't need any chickens in our group."

  


I felt tears forming in my eyes as I left the common room.I hurried to the front door so that they wouldn't see me leaving when they left for detention.I ran to the whomping willow and entered the passageway.I hated it so much in there.I ran as fast as I could, tears stinging my eyes and now running down my cheeks.Why did it have to be this way?What would I ever tell James, Peter and Sirius?I arrived at the old rundown house.As Dumbledore instructed, I made sure all of the doors were locked.I looked at the sun setting. It wouldn't be long now.I lay down on the floor and watched the last traces of sunlight disappear from the sky.I drew in a deep breath as I felt myself being overtaken by the horrible, ugly, hideous monster that I'd become.

I awoke the next morning on the floor to sunlight casting shadows through the windows.I didn't even try to move, because I knew the pain would be too great.Blood stained my shirt, and my arms and legs were covered in scratches.I ached all over.My head was throbbing.I closed my eyes and tried to sleep again.But in my subconscious thoughts, I could remember the night before.Becoming that horrible werewolf, pacing around, growling, thirsting for human blood.Clawing and biting ferociously at whatever I could find.And changing.The most painful part of all.Taking human form again.Twisting and turning as paws become hands and fur disappears until I am once again an eleven-year-old kid.

Moaning, I tried to bring myself to my feet.I struggled and nearly fell over getting up, then stumbled to a nearby chair and collapsed into it.Panting, I attempted to stand again.Regaining balance, I headed back through the passageway.I stumbled through, my vision still blurred from the throbbing in my head.I finally found my way back to Hogwarts.I headed immediately to the hospital wing, not wanting to be seen by anyone.

"Oh, hello dear," said the nurse."Why are you—oh you must be… right this way."She led me to a bed where I could lye down.

"I'm Madame Pomfrey," she introduced herself."You are Remus Lupin, correct?"

"Yeah," I managed to mumble.

"All right then," she said."Dumbledore has told me about your—um—condition.You can come here whenever you need to.Now you need plenty of rest."She pulled the curtains closed around my bed and I slept.

When I awoke, it was a lot later because the sun wasn't shining as brightly.I yawned, feeling a considerable amount better than I had earlier, but still sore and tired.

"Oh, you've awaken," Madame Pomfrey entered the room."How are you feeling?"

"Better," I said.

"Well, that's good," she replied."Your friends were up earlier asking about you.They thought you were sick, and I told them you were."I nodded.

"When can I go back?" I asked.

"I want you to stay here tonight," she said."Perhaps tomorrow if you're feeling up to it."I nodded.All the energy I'd had when I woke up seemed to have faded and I fell back asleep.

I awoke late morning the next day.I was now feeling mostly back to normal.I sat up. 

"So how are you feeling?" asked Madame Pomfrey.I thought.

"Hungry," I said.She laughed and then got me some soup.After finishing, I didn't feel much like sleeping anymore.

"Would you like to go back to your common room now?" she asked."Lunch will be in about twenty minutes."

"Yeah," I replied, standing up, shakily.She handed me my black robe, which I put on over top of my still bloodstained shirt.I headed back to the common room.Luckily, that day was double Transfiguration Class, so James, Sirius and Peter weren't there.I went to our dorm room to change out of my bloodstained clothes and get ready for lunch.A few minutes later, I headed down to the Great Hall.

"Hey Remus!" I heard James' voice behind me."Wait up!"_Oh, great, I thought.__They're going to yell at me for not coming to detention.They're going to leave me just like all of my other friends had._

"Hi," said James, in a friendly tone. 

"Hi," I replied.

"So you were sick?" asked Sirius.I nodded.

"Oh—uh sorry about the other night then," he said.

"It's okay," I said.So they weren't mad."How was detention?" I asked.

"Not that bad," said James.Peter acted like he wanted to protest."We had to go to the forbidden forest with Hagrid.You know, the giant guy that was helping us with the boat?"I nodded.

"You're coming tonight, right?" asked Sirius.

"Yeah," I replied."Was Beaker mad that I wasn't there?"

"I think so," said Peter."Then Dumbledore told him that you excused because you were sick.He didn't say anything after that."

"The forbidden forest is the best!" said Sirius.

"Yeah," agreed James."We have to go exploring down there sometime on our own," he added." and I wonder why that Whomping Willow tree is there?It has to be there for a reason."I didn't say anything.

**Chapter 2:The Secret's Out**

** **

We took the rest of our detentions, which weren't that bad.James and Sirius didn't go to explore the forest on their own any time soon after, though.Snape was furious with us every since the explosion.He'd been healed by Madame Pomfrey, but he claimed it still hurt.If he expected our pity it just made him all the more pathetic.

The weeks went by. Full moons came and went.I lied my way out of them.Once I was sick again, and twice I went to visit my ill mother.Halloween came and went.We had a big feast.James, Sirius, Peter and I went from being good friends to being absolute best friends. Our pranks became better, too.Christmas neared and we all stayed at Hogwarts that year.

It was Christmas Eve and we were in our dorm room, studying.We wanted to finish all of our schoolwork so we could have a good break.I had missed a lot of the things we'd learned in class.

When did we learn this?" I stared blankly at a puzzling page in our _A Beginner's Guide to 101 Simple Potions book._

"Oh, that?" said Sirius, checking his calendar."That was when you were sick."He explained it to me.I finished and continued on to the next assignment, which was for History of Magic class.

"When did we ever learn about the Salem Witch Trials?" I asked, confused.Sirius checked his calendar once again.

"Well, I can't be positive, because I'm pretty sure I slept through that class," he said. "but I think that was when you were visiting your mum."

"Oh," I said, realizing that I shouldn't mention anymore about things I'd missed in class.I went back to studying.The room was quiet.Too quiet.I glanced up and sure enough, Sirius and James weren't there.I walked out of the room too look for them.I found them standing on the stairs, talking quietly.

"Hey guys," I said."What are you doing out here?"They both jumped, startled and Sirius shoved something behind his back.I looked at them, and they stared back, blankly.

"What?" I asked."What is it."

"You're a werewolf," Sirius said it as though he'd just said the sky were blue.

**_I'm here waiting for something new to break my heart  
So callous laden, I can't feel a thing at all  
Will You catch my fall?_**

I stared at him stunned with shock.He stared back, looking as surprised that he'd just said it as I did to hear it.The delayed reaction finally came to me.They knew.I turned and ran as fast as I could.

**_Fear is keeping time with the beating of my heart  
Doin' way too much thinkin'  
And it's tearing me apart  
But I, I feel You reach for me_****__**

Finding the closest place to hide, which happened to be the bathroom, I locked myself inside.I sat down in the corner and cried.I sobbed loudly and didn't care.My only friends had found out my terrible secret.And I was certain of one thing.No one wanted to be friends with a werewolf.Other people had made that quite clear.I wanted to be dead.There was no reason left for me to live.I sobbed even harder.I could hear the voices of James and Sirius shouting, but I didn't listen to what they were saying.I didn't want to know.What's the use to live when you've got no one to share your laughs, to comfort your tears, to stand by your side no matter what, to be a true friend forever?I thought I'd found three people who I could consider true friends.Why did everything always go so wrong for me?Everything I'd ever wanted seemed impossible to have._I'd rather die a thousand times over than live this miserable life, I thought.I wanted to die, to be free from this living nightmare.But what could I do?I didn't have my wand with me.There was a sink.Could I drown myself? _

Still sobbing and wishing it didn't have to be this way, I plugged up the sink and began to fill it with water.I heard sounds of someone at the door.It sounded like they were picking the lock._Just get it over with, I told myself.I leaned over, hanging limply from the sink, most of my head immersed in the water.I couldn't breathe.At first it was terrifying and painful, but then the pain faded and became dull.I could feel myself slipping away to unconsciousness._

**_From lost and not found, to run and not hide  
My hand inside... (Your hand)  
Losing my grip falling so far  
My hand inside Your hand  
  
_****__**

Just before I did, I heard the bathroom door creak open.

"Remus!" I heard Sirius's voice shout."Remus!" he pulled my face out of the water.I coughed and gasped for breath.

**_From lost and not found, to run and not hide  
My hand inside... (Your hand)_****__**

"No," I whispered as I lye on the floor."It was so close to being all over."Sirius stared at me, puzzled.

"What were you thinking?" he shouted."Trying to get yourself killed?"James came running in.He looked at Sirius then at me with a confused expression.

"Why don't we go back to the dorm room?" he suggested.They got up and left.I followed.This was it.It was all over now.They knew and they didn't want to be friends with me anymore.They'd go tell everyone that "Remus Lupin is a werewolf."I entered the dorm room, where Sirius and James were sitting, silently.I ignored them and began packing my things in my trunk.I couldn't stay at Hogwarts anymore.I couldn't face the humiliation.I'd have to leave and return home to spend the rest of my life locked away from the world because no one could accept me for who I was, what I was.James watched me packing and opened his mouth as though he wanted to say something, but no words came out.Then, suddenly, Sirius burst out laughing.Yes, laughing.James stared at him, surprised._Oh great, I thought.__He's not going to waste any time on making fun of me.And Snape thought he had it bad.But that wasn't it at all._

"You honestly think that we'd stop being your friends just because you're a werewolf?" Sirius continued hysterically laughing."I thought you knew us better than that!"James slowly began to smile, then he was laughing, too.I looked at the two of them and began laughing through my tears.Looking back, the whole thing was kind of ridiculous.You have to be able to trust your friends.(Until, of course they murder your other best friends and laugh about it, but that doesn't come until later.)

**_I hear Your voice and follow  
So hard to believe, and still I go_**

**_ _**

"You are our friend, Remus," James said kindly."We would never like you any less because of a small little thing like that." He smiled that infamous smile that could brighten any room.I couldn't fight the smile forming in the corners of my mouth.They were still my friends.They had accepted me for who I was.I had found my true friends.

"Now you quit packing right now because you're not going anywhere!" said Sirius.

"One more thing," I said quietly."You guys won't tell anyone, right?"

"Of course not," said James, and Sirius nodded.

"Are you guys serious?" I asked to reinforce their answer.

"No," Sirius said.James looked at him, confused.This was it.They'd been lying.They hated me.

"He's James and I'm Sirius!"Sirius shouted, grinning.We laughed at his old joke.

"I think we need to tell Peter when he comes back, though," said James."He should know."I agreed.He was our other friend.

"So, where do you go when it's full moon?" asked Sirius.I told both of them about the house, which was now known as the Shrieking Shack.I'd heard that people thought it was haunted.Of course I knew better than that.When I finished, Sirius looked interested.

"Wow," he said."A secret passage."I knew I'd said too much when I saw that mischievous smile appear on his face.


End file.
